I gave up smoking because I wanted to see my son grow up

I wanted to see my son grow up  

I started smoking when I was 13, courtesy of my cousin who was a year older than me. My mother heartily disapproved, but I somehow found a way to get around it.  

Of course, it doesn’t take very much to become totally addicted, so I was damaging my lungs from a very early age. I didn’t know what I know now – that lung development doesn’t end until you’re in your twenties. 

I stopped smoking when I was diagnosed with COPD at 54, and it really wasn’t an easy process at all. But I began to get scared after I was diagnosed with COPD. I remember thinking: I need to stop smoking. And so, I began to try.  

My main motivation was wanting to see my son grow up. I wanted to live longer and slow down the progression of my COPD for him.   

Stopping smoking wasn’t an easy process – but I kept going  

It's not a quick process to stop smoking because it's an ingrained behaviour. That behaviour pattern is really, really strong.  

I tried all sorts for my cravings, including nicotine gum. I tried to sit with the discomfort until it passed, but I think doing something like mindfulness would have been a huge help.  

I just had to keep trying to stop. For me, it was about failing, picking yourself up, not giving yourself a hard time for doing it, and carrying on trying to stop until eventually it comes to an end. It probably took me 6 to 9 months to stop completely. 

And I'm so pleased. Even though I still had cravings, I did stop. 

The thought of stopping smoking is worse than actually doing it 

Stopping smoking is a bit like losing your phone. Your heart is racing, and you’re panicking. Even if you don't want it right now, you’re thinking, ‘Where’s my phone?’ That's exactly what it feels like when you're thinking, ‘Where are my cigarettes, where’s my lighter?’ Or ‘Have I got enough cigarettes until the morning?’ And, ‘What if I stop today and I will never, ever be able to have a cigarette again?’ That's exactly how it felt and that's a horrible, overwhelming feeling.  

But you get used to it because that feeling doesn't last. And there are techniques for helping you to understand that -- there's a huge amount of support available now. So take advantage of that support.  

My lungs work better now  

My lungs definitely improved once I stopped smoking. As I felt better about myself and as I got more educated about my COPD, I got fitter. I started walking more and found good support. I got help from a nurse at my GP practice who was brilliant. And then I started pulmonary rehabilitation, and I got even fitter. I think that if I’d carried on smoking, I wouldn't have been able to achieve that at all. 

I feel loads better about myself  

But it’s not just my lungs – my life has improved all round since I stopped smoking. I feel a whole lot better about myself mentally and physically.  

My body feels better because there aren’t the effects of all those chemicals. Less sludgy might be a good description. And, of course, I’ve saved money too.  

The mental effects are the biggest benefit for me. Before I stopped, I suffered a lot of shame about smoking. I felt guilty, ashamed of being a smoker, like I think a lot of people do. Since I stopped, I don’t have the shame anymore. I don’t stink of cigarette smoke. I’m not giving myself a hard time, or sneaking around thinking, ‘Nobody knows I’ve had a cigarette.’ I don’t have to struggle and fight with that anymore. I feel proud of myself that I was able to stop.  

You can do this 

I think people are made to feel bad for smoking. But I think we should be more caring and supportive because it can be really difficult. I want to tell people that we can do this – we can survive without smoking!  

We can manage to be smoke-free and have a better life. But I think you need to experience that for yourself.