Only one thing was going to get me over that finish line – my dad

I’ve never been a runner. I’m the kind of girl who always called in sick on cross-country day at school. But I love trying new things and I love pushing myself. I thought it would be great to support a cause while testing my ability, and it’s a great way to honour my dad’s memory.

My dad had a very hard shell. He came across a bit tough, but he was a big softy really. He loved playing pranks on people, and he was just a very kind person deep down. I was definitely a daddy’s girl. We were very close. If I needed help at school, he was always there. He used to take me horse riding every single Saturday and he was very involved. If I ever needed anything, like jodhpurs or new boots or something, he would be on Facebook Marketplace or eBay trying to find it for me. He was a really special person.

He didn’t want his illness to affect my childhood

I don’t think there was ever a point where I realised he was unwell. I just grew up knowing that there was an illness but it was never too bad. I think he hid it because he didn’t want it to affect my childhood. For example, anything I wanted to do, he would make it happen.

So I never really understood it as something serious. It was a massive shock when he went into hospital. It was difficult watching him every day. I can’t imagine the strength that it took for him to do things every single day. Sometimes he couldn’t get up to bed, for example. Even just going to the toilet, he’d be bent over trying to catch his breath.

I imagine it was really difficult for him towards the end. Especially because he wanted to be involved in the things we wanted to do. One day we went to the zoo and he really wanted to come but he couldn’t because he couldn’t walk around the zoo. I remember my mum being really upset and seeing him driving away crying because he couldn’t be involved.

I only realised how serious it was when he went into hospital

I went to school one day and my mum texted me to say dad was in hospital. He’d been in hospital before and been out in two days so I was sure he’d be ok again. But this time he wasn’t in a normal ward, he was in the ICU.

Being 13 and walking into the ICU is difficult because you see things you probably shouldn’t be seeing at that age. It was then that I realised just how serious it was.

It wasn’t really a decision for us to turn the ventilator off. They told us that he wasn’t breathing on his own anymore and they had to turn the ventilator off right then. But he didn’t have his family around him so my mum had to argue for them to let us have one more day so we could get his family around him to say goodbye. I remember when my mum told me, I collapsed on the floor and I was screaming and crying. I really did think it was the hospital’s fault for a while because he’d put on such a brave face at home and I couldn’t believe he’d deteriorated so fast.

They ended up just removing the ventilator rather than turning it off, so that it was more peaceful, like he just passed away in his sleep. It was very difficult growing up without him, that’s for sure. I feel like I grew up very quickly after he passed away.

My dad would think I was crazy but he would be so proud

Asthma + Lung UK was the only charity I applied to run for and I told myself that if I didn’t get a place, it wasn’t meant to be. Running for such an amazing cause in memory of someone you love is so powerful. Crossing the finish line meant so much. It’s not just a finish line, it’s all the money you’ve raised, all the time you’ve spent training. I know if my dad was here, he’d think I was crazy but he’d be so proud. I know he’d be there every step of the way, and I know he’d be really proud. Everything I do is to make him proud.

Not a lot of people know about COPD so I hope that after reading my story, people will want to find out more about it. To take the time to realise that it’s very serious and it can be caused by things you don’t expect, from day-to-day things like work.

I wish I could have helped my dad but it feels good to know that running for Asthma + Lung UK is helping so many other people going through the same thing that we did.